Tuesday Tirade: Newer is better?

New shoes never feel like the old ones. Cutting onions with a new knife takes getting used to. Two things that took me way too long to replace—now my bike helmet is next on the list.

But I digress. Wait. Did I really? Because I haven’t even started on the main topic.

Which is: Nail clippers

I broke the tiny file off my last pair. That’s OK, I can live without it. Then they started to not spring back very far, so I fixed them by jamming a dime between the two metal thingies (the technical term). Then I had to tape the dime so it wouldn’t fall out.

Time to get a new pair. Pair? What’s up with the plural? I’ll save that for another Tuesday.

So, there I was, staring at the wall of nail care items, thinking that there hasn’t been much advancement in nail clipper technology since…ever? These ones are longer, those ones have a bent lever, those other ones are 3 dollars.

Do I do what I usually do and buy the cheap ones or spring for the deluxe model for $6? Brand name vs. I don’t know that name. I fight my instinct and fork out the extra $3 and run ecstatically home to try them out (Ecstatically? Not really).

The first clip tells all. The ting of a shard propelled against the sink. The roughness of the edge of the nail just ready to snag on anything remotely fuzzy. After few more practice runs, the verdict is in: I’m glad I didn’t toss the old ones. Rough edges and a shard in the eye hazard. Time to take out the emery board, and I’ve had that one for a while…

-Leon


Leon Stevens is a blogger, composer, artist, and an author of four books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and PicturesJourneys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and The View from Here, his first science fiction novella.

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Tuesday Tirade: Fruit Flies (and bonus mini-rant)

First there’s one, then another, then you lift a banana out of the fruit bowl and “POOF!” a cloud of them emerges.

No sir, I don’t like ‘em.

I don’t have any table scraps lying around or in the garbage for that matter. I don’t have the means to compost outside, so I take all my vegetable scraps and put them into the freezer until I can bring them to a friend’s place.

Problem solved? You would think, but Nooooo.

The solution given to me was to put cider vinegar into a container, cover it with plastic wrap, and poke small holes in it with a toothpick.

Problem solved? You would think, but Nooooo.

Oh, I got a few. I saw the pickled flies floating around in the brine (I know it’s not brine), but I believe that the others saw them too, and being smart as crows, never ventured near the jar o’ death.

I’ve been able to clap a few into oblivion.

At least it’s not cockroaches…

-Leon

Bonus Mini-rant

Election News: Canada’s parliament looks…well, pretty much the same as it did a month ago before the Prime Minister called an early election in a bid to win majority control of the government.

Thank you Justin Trudeau for spending 600 million dollars of taxpayers money when you still had two years left in your term.

[Slow clap]


Leon Stevens is a blogger, composer, artist, and an author of four books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and PicturesJourneys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and The View from Here, his first science fiction novella.

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Tuesday Tirade: Trash Talk

Garbage, we have to talk. It’s not you; it’s…them.

Them? The people who are incapable of carrying you home or for those few extra blocks to find a trash can. The people who carelessly release you into a world you don’t belong. The people who just open their car window and toss you into the ditch.

You? You’re not at fault. You were once important to someone. You held their drink. You kept the germs out of their lungs. You wiped the mustard from hungry lips. Then they callously let you go, and your identity changed.

You are now garbage, and I don’t say that in a malicious way because it wasn’t your choice.

I’m sorry that you have been abandoned on the ground. I’m glad you don’t know that you are missing the party going on in the can over there. Sometimes, I’ve picked you up, but I can’t do it all the time; there’s just too much. I’m sorry.

Maybe the hand that let you go needs a swift kick in the…well, the hand.

-Leon


Leon Stevens is a blogger, composer, artist, and an author of four books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and PicturesJourneys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and The View from Here, his first science fiction novella.

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Tuesday Tirade: Kinda…

I hadn’t had anything planned to post in the morning until the fire alarm went off in the building. I grabbed my wallet, keys, laptop, and hard drive—essentially my bug out kit.

Now, it’s nine thirty and the apartment below me is billowing smoke. Some guy ran out with a fire extinguisher and yelled “I got it out! It was on the stove.”

So, a grease fire you say…

It happens. That’s what fire alarms are for, right?

The fire department arrived, did their checks and set up fans to clear the smoke. At least it’s not cold outside. I have insurance and everyone is safe. I bet my place smells like smoke—and I just finished a big load of laundry.

There’s no reason to rant, I just hope that the people below me have learned a cooking lesson.

Hey! My wi-fi works all the way out here across the parking lot. Good thing I have a 40 character encryption key…

They let us back in and I walked up the 3 flights of stairs, smelling the acrid remnants of the night’s events. The firefighters turned on my oven vent—that’s not going to help, and my bathroom vent. Since the fire was below me, if I open the windows, I can still smell it. If I close the windows…

So, the windows are open and the fans are on. Now I have a post for the morning.

-Leon

Leon Stevens is a blogger, composer, artist, and an author of four books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and PicturesJourneys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and The View from Here, his first science fiction novella.

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Tuesday Tirade: People

Today I’m going to rant about people. Oh, not you. I like you. It’s those other ones. You know the ones I’m talking about.

Irrisponsible dog owners. I see dog poop on sidewalks and trails all the time. If you have a dog, you pick it up, that’s the rule. Did you miss that question on the test? Ever forget a poop bag? I have. You only usually do that once (well, maybe twice). Do you leave it? Of course not, you find a leaf, a piece of garbage, or as a last resort, you flick it into the bushes or bury it. What really makes me shake my head are the people who use the bag, then leave it on the ground. Are you kidding me?

Cyclists. I’m one, but I’m not one of those. You’ve seen them. The darters, the lane hogs, the speeders, the “I don’t have to signalers”. They are the ones that make drivers and pedestrians dislike us.

The Rudes. Your not the most important person on the planet. Everything doesn’t revolve around you, and you have no right to berate the cashier when they are having difficulty serving you. Getting angry isn’t going to get your order ready any faster.

The Vroomers. They get mad when you may have accidentally cut them off, or committed the horrible offence of…wait for it…pulling in front of them. They them proceed to accelerate quickly to put you in the rearview mirror. I also saw a driver the other day accelerating in front of an emergency vehicle—I assume so that they wouldn’t have to pull over. They are probably the ones who need to squeal their tires at 3 AM.

Are there more that need a mention? Yeah, but I don’t have time.

-Leon

Leon Stevens is a blogger, composer, artist, and an author of four books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and PicturesJourneys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and The View from Here, his first science fiction novella.

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Tuesday Tirade: The Egg.

Angry cat has returned

Edited Aug 17 Thanks, Clive for the eggformation.

Eggs. One of history’s oldest food sources. At one time—not that long ago—we were told that eggs are high in cholesterol and that we should limit our consumption. Then—not that long ago—eggs were OK. Just don’t eat the yolk. But that’s the best part!. The worst part is that little white squiggly thing attached to the yolk. Blech… (Oh, I’ll eat it, it’s a pain to separate it). Now it’s an all clear for eggs.

Eggs should be kept in the refrigerator—although, I have heard that in some countries, eggs are kept at room temperature. It scares me just bringing them home from the store in the summer.

Don’t eat raw eggs. Why not? (yes, I know – Salmonella) but Rocky did it, and it’s in Caesar salad dressing. Oh, and they are in my mom’s homemade eggnog, but I suspect that all the booze in it (rum, brandy, vodka) sterilizes any dangerous pathogens (and makes it yummy).

The Piece de Resistance: Peeling the egg.

Sometimes, the shell comes right off in two or three pieces, leaving a pristine white ovoid of deliciousness. More often, after cracking and fighting with the shell bits and clingy membrane, you are left with ½ and egg—if you’re lucky.

I have tried every (yes, every) method of preparing a hard-boiled egg to make the dream of a perfectly peeled egg a reality. (Boy, I need better dreams.)

 If you have a foolproof method (Leonproof?) in producing an easily peeled egg, I would be interested in hearing it.

-Leon

Last day:

Leon Stevens is a blogger, composer, artist, and an author of four books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and PicturesJourneys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and The View from Here, his first science fiction novella.

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Oh, pick me!
C’mon, space stuff!