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funny friday humor

Funny Friday: Debates Redux

Note: I wrote this post in November, but since added a few more items to this earlier post so that I could call it: New and Improved or is it New or Improved? Maybe it’s just regurgitated…

The Great (and not so great) Debates 

Everyone is entitled to their opinion (that’s my opinion), but does that mean we are free to give our unsolicited opinion whenever we want? You know, free speech and all…

I’m sure that I just opened a huge can of worms, methinks. So, just for fun, let’s crank the opener of these great dividers: Religion and Politi—Whoa! Hold it! Not those debates! This is “Funny Friday”don’t ya know?

Without further delay, let’s step up to the podiums, shall we?

Peanut Butter: Smoothy vs. Crunchy

Can you sit on the fence and say both? Of course you can! Will you? Probably not.

Crunchy hurts to eat, smoothy sticks to the roof of my mouth, crunchy rocks on toast but not on bagels, though. Smoothy: good for making fudge (unless you like crunchy fudge…)

What about natural? Woah, hold it right there, Bucko. This is not a ____vs.____vs.____

Kirk vs. Picard

No contest. You know I’m right…

Dogs vs. Cats

If you don’t care about loyalty or the return of affection and you want to be able to just leave for a few days without worrying…well, you know.

North Pole vs. South Pole

Santa, good. Penguins, cute! But what about the narwhals?

North pole: Pack ice South Pole: Packed ice

Coffee vs. Tea

I look forward to my morning coffee and my afternoon tea, but I have on rare occasions had a morning tea and I do enjoy an afternoon shot o’ espresso…

Ale vs. Lager

Beer lovers are either loyal or experimental. I see people beeline straight to their brand and get out of the store before I have even started to window shop. But that has nothing to do with the Ale vs. Lager debate does it…

PC vs. Mac

Endless updates and glitches, or should I just spend the damn $$$$?

Zoodles vs. Alphagetti

You know that they are pretty much the same thing, but what can you spell with Zoodles? (Psst. Hieroglyphs.)

Two-ply vs. Three-ply

I didn’t include one-ply because it becomes two-ply since you know you’re going to fold it.

Coke vs. Pepsi

Both sweet. Both kinda caramelly. Both bubbly. Only one of them should be mixed with rum.

Classic Coke vs. New Coke

Remember that fiasco? Who wins? See previous.

The Turkey: Light meat vs. Dark meat

You might as well call this dry and bland vs. moist and tasty. Gravy is good for both

Star Trek vs. Star Wars

(See Kirk vs Picard)

McDonald’s vs Burger King

Isn’t the title “King” self explanatory, you clown?

Honorable Mentions:

Ren vs. Stimpy, Rick vs. Morty, Magellan vs. Cook, AM vs. FM, The Far Side vs. Non Sequitur

Well, I’m absolutely, positively, sure that I missed some real doozies, but like debating politics or religion, there’s no way that I’m touching those topics….that’s as volatile as discussing what pick-up truck is best.

 (It’s Chevy, BTW…)

-Leon

What are some of your funny dividers?


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of three books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and Journeys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar

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funny friday humor

Funny Friday-You Don’t Know How Much You’ve Got Left Till’ it’s Gone

Sound familiar? That’s my very loose paraphrase of a Joni Mitchell lyric. It came to me the other day (Sunday-but that really doesn’t matter) when I ran out of sriracha. I knew I needed more earlier, but I thought I could manage a few more weeks. And it was going great. Every time I used some-on eggs, potatoes, in ramen (which BTW, I learned how to make this year. Well worth the effort) – I always had some left, until the tell-tale SPLORCH-PLLLLH! Sound indicating that my luck had run out. How long did this streak last, I wondered? I couldn’t remember the last time I had bought some. The label was quite worn and faded, but upon careful examination, I was able to locate the best-before date.

July 2016. Wait! What!?

So apparently, the best-before date is just a serving suggestion. That stuff don’t go bad…That got me to thinking, “Why am I not sick?” No, actually I was thinking about what else we have that runs out when you least expect it.

  • Propane tanks: When barbequing, you never really know what’s left-until you check on your burgers and they are half cooked. Don’t want to trade in a tank that still has some? Always have an extra tank.
  • Plastic wrap: I looked at my roll and I thought that I needed some soon, so I bought the rolls x 3 at [insert name of favorite big box warehouse store]. That was years ago, and I’m still pulling out wrap from the old one.*
  • Batteries: Stock up and forget about them, they’ll slowly lose charge until you need them, of course.
  • Ice cubes: You always have too many until you don’t, and it’s always the slightly musty one in the ice tray.
  • Lightbulbs: Why are there so many different kinds and why do I have everyone but the one I need?
  • Dental floss: When do you know you’re out? When you pull out a piece about the length of your thumb and you hear the Ziiing!
  • Toilet paper: There is always a roll underneath the sink, right? Please be right. If I could just reach…a…little…more…
  • Change: Who carries change these days? But I need to pay for parking and I only have 2 quarters.
  • Air: You know, like the stuff in your tires (OK, that one was a bit of a reach).
  • Wine: Sometimes you just need a glass. Just not happenin’ today.

In regard to point #5-I’ll give you a moment to count-here is an apt Miniscules cartoon from earlier this year:

-Leon

*At the time of writing, I was still extracting wrap, but two days ago I finally got to the end of the roll. The last few inches/centimeters/cubits turned out to be a foggy, semi-translucent, nom-clingy sheet, which I thought to be a little anti-climactic. There should be a prize, or at least a printed “TA-DAH!”


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of three books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and Journeys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar

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cartoons humor Weird Wednesday

Weird Wednesday

Getting close to being caught up with all “The Miniscules” to date. There will be a few more Wednesdays before you will be getting the current weekly serving of hilarity. Of course, you can always catch Miniscule Monday on Instagram @lines_by_leon

After The Masters The loss of a beloved actor
Do you like puzzles? I do!

No verse for the creatures this week, just a query.

Careless, but what has them spooked?

Hope you enjoy my creations!

-Leon


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of three books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and Journeys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar

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cartoons humor poetry Weird Wednesday

Weird Wednesday

Last Wednesday I shared the origins trailer that I put together: “The Miniscules: Origins” .I’ll let you get caught up.

Back? Nice. Here is the next installment of the Miniscules recap.

Yes, I posted one twice. Just copied it from my old site.
This one still makes me laugh. I don’t know why, it’s not that funny…
October. Get it?
The last one didn’t involve any ‘scules, but I needed to draw it. Thank you, Alex.

And finally, no Weird Wednesday would be complete without some “creatures”

Left alone to their own devices
Survival is inevitable
Adaptation is necessary
To perish not an option

Weird enough for ya?

-Leon


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of three books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and Journeys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar

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funny friday humor writers

Funny Friday

Quick! Say something funny. No pressure, right? Humor can be spontaneous or crafted. Either method will result in something. Notice that I didn’t say ‘something funny.’ Humor is so subjective, as I talked about here: Humor/Humour

I have been approaching different book bloggers to do drum up exposure for my books. Some of them have allowed me to submit guest posts. To stand out, I came up with the idea of interviewing myself because who knows me better than me?

My most recent interview was for thestoryreadingapeblog.com, and for you who missed it, I thought I would share it because it still makes me giggle a bit.

OK. You figured it out. I woke up this morning without a post for today…Nothing wrong with recycling. Enjoy!

-Leon

Leon Stevens Interviews Leon Stevens (again)

Hello. I’m Leon Stevens, and I’m sitting here with author Leon Stevens who has written two books, Lines by Leon-Poems, Prose and Pictures, and The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. Well, here we are again.

It seems that way.

You wrote down a list of questions for the guest post on thestoryreadingapeblog.com. Where did you come across that site?

Through my WordPress blog. I was reading a repost of a book marketing article.

How is your blog coming along?

Better than I thought. I’ve been writing something almost daily.

Nice. Shall we get to the questions?

Fire away.

Now bear in mind I do know all these answers, so try to forget who I am.

I wish I could.

[silence]

I’ll let that pass. Question 1: Have you always been a writer?

Not until I learned how to hold a pencil, if that’s what you mean.

It’s not…I meant writing on order to get published.

Ahh, no. I don’t recall wanting to write until I needed to. I began to write songs and song lyrics to get my thoughts and emotions onto paper, which evolved into poetry.

Do you consider yourself a poet?

I suppose. Poetry is one aspect of my writing, but I think that if you write poetry, then you are a poet. Some people might think that if you are a “real” poet, then that’s all you do, describe the world through verse.

Do you read a lot of poetry?

Not really. I don’t think it’s a prerequisite to writing meaningful works. Maybe it’s a way to be unique.

Do you think you are unique?

I think we all are-except for you and me. 

Shouldn’t that be: You and I?

Who knows?. Or is it Whom knows? No. It’s who knows.

Don’t we all love grammar?

Oh boy, do we ever!

Question #2—

Actually, it’s question #7. Go back and read the transcript.

[silence]

Next question, then. What do you write about then?

I write poems about emotions, struggles, ego, environment, travel, and everyday experiences. Some poems have a humorous edge to them.

Example?

Of?

Something humorous from your book.

Umm. I wrote this one about a sock:

The Sock

Is there anything lonelier than discarded clothing?

A sign of disappointment, of rejection, of loathing

Threadbare and stained, no fight left within

Wondering what events caused this great sin

Did you wear out your welcome, what did you do?

Was it a weakness of cotton

That allowed the big toe to come through?

Was it your owner’s odd gait that wore through the heel?

Taking the blame, how did that feel?

Was your partner discarded or saved for another

Pair that shares the same fate and just the right color?

Are all your poems light-hearted?

No. There are many that are much deeper emotionally, but it is nice to be able to take a break and laugh.

Your latest book is a science fiction book. Why the change in genre?

Science fiction has always been my favorite, and I had all these ideas kicking around.

Why short stories?

Why not.

Care to elaborate?

Some of my earliest memories of reading was short science fiction, either reading it or listening to my father making up stories at bedtime.

He made up stories for you?

I thought he did. I would come across stories as I was reading years later that I could have sworn I had read before, but then I realized that he had told those ones to me.

So he passed them off as his own?

Well, he didn’t say they were not, and I never asked, so no plagiarism there.

Any other reason for writing short stories?

When I have an idea and start to write, my stories seem to come to a natural conclusion sooner rather than later. There is a challenge to writing short, though. Developing characters to the minimum, letting the reader fill in the details of the setting, and I think successful short stories either end with a twist or leave the reader thinking.

Your shortest story?

The title story The Knot at the End of the Rope is 175 words. I have some stories in my poetry book, the shortest one there is 41, but it’s more of a caption to a picture than a story.

So, if you don’t have time to read a novel…

Exactly.

Any other projects on the go?

I do have a book of classical guitar compositions, and I am currently working on a continuation of one of my short stories. It’s up to 12000 words so far.

So, not a short story then.

It will probably finish up being a novella, but you never know.

I do.

You do?

Naw. This has been fun as usual. Thank you for sparing the time to sit down and talk to me.

You knew I wasn’t doing anything anyway.

True. Coffee?

Please.

Categories
cartoons humor Just plain weird Weird Wednesday

Weird Wednesday: The Miniscules-Origins

When I started The Miniscules it was just an avenue for some strange ideas that I had in my head. sometimes they got into predicaments because of their size, then later they became embroiled with current events. With a bit of time on my hands, and in answer to many queries like, “Where did the Miniscules come from?”, I decided to use my rudimentary skills to produce what I like to call: “a waste of a few hours of my day…

Now to continue your refresher of The Miniscules so far:

I changed my Instagram account from @theminiscules to @lines_by_leon to keep my branding consistent.
I found an old one that I hadn’t posted before.
A mix of funny, older, and current events
And then the return to school

So, there you go. I hope that you enjoy The Miniscules as much as I do.

-Leon

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humor music music Monday thoughts

Music Monday: Sell-out or Just Business?


A few news stories have come out over the last few weeks about musicians selling the rights to their song catalogs. Now, this is nothing new, one of the first bombshells was when Michael Jackson purchased some of The Beatles songs – which I believe were repurchased years later. Recently, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, and Mick Fleetwood have all sold parts of their own catalogs.

Why is it good business to own song rights? $$$$$$. Royalties are paid every time a song is played/performed publicly. Radio (yes, we still have that), online streaming, T.V. (yes, we still have that too), and movies are some examples. Ever wonder why you only hear snippets of songs during your favorite sports events? After a certain amount of time, royalties need to be paid, so the venue plays 10-15 seconds. Loophole? Maybe. But the first 10-15 seconds of Thunderstruck is the best part. Come to think about it, it is the only part. Why do you hear weird variations on that birthday song in restaurants? You guessed it-royalties.

I don’t remember the first time I heard a song that I liked used in a commercial. I do remember that many years ago (no, I’m not telling) cries of “Sell-out!” were repeated by music fans when the bands that they loved allowed popular songs to be used to sell…whatever. It’s not so surprising now–it’s just business. Can we fault an artist for trying to make money? OK, don’t answer that. That’s a whole new can o’ worms.

What can I handle? I can tolerate a song being used in its original form to sell a truck, insurance, banking services, or whatnot, but please, please, if you sell your song, sell the lyrics as well. Don’t know what I’m getting at? One of my favorite songs is–was–Rocket Man by Elton John. Now, when I hear that song, all I think about is the lady who “…shops at Rakutan”. Thanks a bunch, Elton.

Given the opportunity, would I sell the rights to my songs? Probably. Maybe. It depends. If my creations made me a decent wage that allowed me not to want for anything (FYI–that’s a low bar. I’m very frugal), I don’t think that I would. Never say never, though, right?

So, for all you restaurants looking for a cheap alternative to The Birthday Song, for only $0.27/use, I present to you, Happy, Happy Birthday:

 
 Happy, happy, happy,
 Birthday, birthday, birthday
 You were born [insert number here] years ago
 Happy, happy, happy,
  Birthday, birthday, birthday
 We’ll stop here 
 So we don’t have to pay… 

Darn, I didn’t think this through…

-Leon

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cartoons funny friday humor Just plain weird

Funny Friday: When Does This Become That?


I was sitting around one day…wondering…When does this become that? After various mullings, musings, flowcharts, and scientific calculations, I came up with:

Did this answer my question? Not in the least. I am however perplexed by the magical floating table…

-Leon


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of two books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures and The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. Visit www.linesbyleon.com

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cartoons humor Just plain weird Weird Wednesday

Weird Wednesday: More Miniscules + Creatures.

Continuing the evolution of my “artistic” side. Some ideas are poignant, others come from everyday situations, the last one was inspired by all the sports repeats in 2020. You can see that I haven’t figured out where to put the web link:

I started a “Miniscules: Origins” movie. I got as far as a trailer (will post that soon). The last one was due to changing my Instagram account.

“Can I see more creatures” you ask? Of course.

There hasn’t been anyone around in days.
It belongs to no one now
Reclaimed and renewed
Without interruption
Or corruption

I hope you have been enjoying my scratches and scrawls.

-Leon


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of two books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures and The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. Visit www.linesbyleon.com

Categories
humor music music Monday thoughts

Music Monday: What Music Means…to Me

I don’t know if I have ever heard anyone say the phrase: “I don’t like music.” You are more than likely to hear someone say, “That Ferrari belongs to the mime.

I usually have music playing. Sometimes, when if I hear a new song, I can picture myself in a past experience. It is as if the song was written for me for that event.

Music makes me cry, sometimes. I tried to record a song that I wrote, but I couldn’t get through it without stopping to wipe the tears or catch my breath. There are songs that I hear that still bring a tear to my eye.

Music makes me smile, often. More often than not. Music moves me. I don’t know what I would do without music. Be very sad, I suppose, unless I never knew about music in the first place, but who would want to live in a world like that?

And BTW, can somebody move that Ferrari? It’s blocking my Pinto.


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of two books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures and The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. Visit www.linesbyleon.com