Have you ever seen the commercial where the fried egg slides around on the non-stick pan? Ever try to melt a bunch of candies and wipe it clean in one stroke of a paper towel? How about frying anything with no worry of having a difficult clean up? Muffins dropping out of an overturned tray?
Eggs don’t slide like that
Melted candy, although very tasty, is messy
I made a blueberry pancake this morning–Yes, a pancake. Why make 3 small ones when you can make one big one—and the blueberries left little round residue marks that took soap and water to remove. Non-stick my—
Muffins in my Betty Crocker tray cling for dear life when upended
Things will stick to my grandmother’s cast iron pan unless a liberal amount of oil/butter is used. No worse than my other pans. I have four. Cast iron, Green Pan, Gotham Steel, and an old non-sticker that was probably one of the first (and probably not the healthiest.)
To make clean-up easier, maybe I should just boil everything.
Some superheroes use their powers for evil—[boo, hiss]—others for the good of humanity—[Yay!].
Superpowers come in all forms: genetic, accidental, mutation, experimental, or otherworldly intervention.
We can’t all be so lucky (unlucky?), but we all have some hidden talent. Maybe not talent enough to be on that show—or that other show that’s kinda like that show, but something that when harnessed can only be described as…well, meh.
Some people may use their talent for evil—[boo, hiss]—others for…well, for themselves, never to be revealed to humanity. Sometimes people just need to know, so here is your chance.
I’ll go first.
My not so super superpower is the ability to get toothpaste out of the tube long after most people would have given up and tossed it away. How long, you ask? Days? Yes. Weeks? It’s been done.
Question: Which way do you insert a USB connector? Answer: The first way you tried before flipping it over.
Question: Which way do you turn the steering wheel when backing up a trailer? Answer: Not that way, but it’s too late, you’re in the bushes.
Question: Which way loosens a garden hose or a nut on a bolt? Answer: Since you tightened it too much already, it’s moot.
Question: Ever hear the phrase, righty tighty, lefty loosey? Answer: Yes, but that didn’t help me one question ago.
Question: Quick, raise your left hand. Answer: That’s not a question. Rebuttal: You are correct, and it’s the other hand, by the way.
There are times when someone will say left or right and I do have to think about it for a second. You would think after so many years lived that wouldn’t happen, but it does.
I’m usually pretty good at finding my way without a map or GPS. I remember the early days when GPS was not readily available in vehicles so many people bought mountable ones. Here’s what that sounds like:
“Turn left, 50 meters.” -Nope. “Recalculating.” -Recalculate all you want, but I’m not going that way. “Recalculating.” -You’re going in the glove compartment. Click [muffled voice]
I do occasionally get turned around and have had to ask for directions. Travelling in Quebec one year, this conversation occurred:
Clerk: [something in French] Me: In very poor French, “I don’t speak French very well. Do you speak English?” Clerk: [something else in French] Translation: “No.“
With my limited French language skills, I was able to get directions to my destination, although I did have to point to my hand and say, “Gauche?” to which the clerk shook his head, so I pointed to the other. I did get to my destination. Thank you, public school French classes.
That’s all the weirdness for today.
Oh yeah, I said my cartoons would return in October. September 29? Close enough.
New shoes never feel like the old ones. Cutting onions with a new knife takes getting used to. Two things that took me way too long to replace—now my bike helmet is next on the list.
But I digress. Wait. Did I really? Because I haven’t even started on the main topic.
Which is: Nail clippers
I broke the tiny file off my last pair. That’s OK, I can live without it. Then they started to not spring back very far, so I fixed them by jamming a dime between the two metal thingies (the technical term). Then I had to tape the dime so it wouldn’t fall out.
Time to get a new pair. Pair? What’s up with the plural? I’ll save that for another Tuesday.
So, there I was, staring at the wall of nail care items, thinking that there hasn’t been much advancement in nail clipper technology since…ever? These ones are longer, those ones have a bent lever, those other ones are 3 dollars.
Do I do what I usually do and buy the cheap ones or spring for the deluxe model for $6? Brand name vs. I don’t know that name. I fight my instinct and fork out the extra $3 and run ecstatically home to try them out (Ecstatically? Not really).
The first clip tells all. The ting of a shard propelled against the sink. The roughness of the edge of the nail just ready to snag on anything remotely fuzzy. After few more practice runs, the verdict is in: I’m glad I didn’t toss the old ones. Rough edges and a shard in the eye hazard. Time to take out the emery board, and I’ve had that one for a while…
We observed the Autumnal Equinox last week, so for the last few days, we have been enjoying a somewhat equal amount of day and night, thanks to…physics*?
The spin of the Earth, where the sun is, how we orbit around it all combine to give us this phenomenon**. It also will give us a whole lot of night in about 3 months, no thanks to Daylight Savings Time (DST) which Robinhoods an hour from the evening to make the morning brighter (technically, this doesn’t change the length of the evening, but when it gets dark at 4 PM, it sure feels like it).
Some places don’t do this, and the time is the time all though the year (Only in North America you say? Pity.). I never remember when this is supposed to happen—it was recently (a few years ago?) moved from/to…November?…to/from October? Or is it the other way around?***
Why? Something to do with farming or saving electricity or trucking****. It’s just something we have to live with. DST***** serves a purpose, even if it we don’t understand the reason behind it.
*I am not an expert in physics. **Facts may or may not be factual. ***See? What do I know? ****I suppose I could look it up, but what is the fun in that? *****Also the name of a lesser-known K-Pop group.
First there’s one, then another, then you lift a banana out of the fruit bowl and “POOF!” a cloud of them emerges.
No sir, I don’t like ‘em.
I don’t have any table scraps lying around or in the garbage for that matter. I don’t have the means to compost outside, so I take all my vegetable scraps and put them into the freezer until I can bring them to a friend’s place.
Problem solved? You would think, but Nooooo.
The solution given to me was to put cider vinegar into a container, cover it with plastic wrap, and poke small holes in it with a toothpick.
Problem solved? You would think, but Nooooo.
Oh, I got a few. I saw the pickled flies floating around in the brine (I know it’s not brine), but I believe that the others saw them too, and being smart as crows, never ventured near the jar o’ death.
I’ve been able to clap a few into oblivion.
At least it’s not cockroaches…
Election News: Canada’s parliament looks…well, pretty much the same as it did a month ago before the Prime Minister called an early election in a bid to win majority control of the government.
Thank you Justin Trudeau for spending 600 million dollars of taxpayers money when you still had two years left in your term.
Garbage, we have to talk. It’s not you; it’s…them.
Them? The people who are incapable of carrying you home or for those few extra blocks to find a trash can. The people who carelessly release you into a world you don’t belong. The people who just open their car window and toss you into the ditch.
You? You’re not at fault. You were once important to someone. You held their drink. You kept the germs out of their lungs. You wiped the mustard from hungry lips. Then they callously let you go, and your identity changed.
You are now garbage, and I don’t say that in a malicious way because it wasn’t your choice.
I’m sorry that you have been abandoned on the ground. I’m glad you don’t know that you are missing the party going on in the can over there. Sometimes, I’ve picked you up, but I can’t do it all the time; there’s just too much. I’m sorry.
Maybe the hand that let you go needs a swift kick in the…well, the hand.