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funny friday humor poetry

Funny Friday: Humorous Poems

When you think of humorous poetry, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Did you say limericks? More than likely you did.

Think a little harder. There are many poets that have written poems that:

  • are laugh out loud funny (rare)
  • make you giggle (not as rare)
  • produce a smile (getting closer)
  • end with a pursed lip/head shake/eyeroll (BINGO)

Many poets, like Silverstein or Dahl have written poems that both children and adults find funny, but mostly kids because they are more easily made to laugh. To reach the adult population, silly usually moves toward satirical.

Here are a few of my own:

Youth vs. Age

When we are young
We are invincible
Or we think we are
It’s just mind over matter
When we are older
We know better
Or think we do
We can still do many things
But now it’s just
Mind over bladder

The Sock

Is there anything lonelier than discarded clothing?
A sign of disappointment, of rejection, of loathing
Threadbare and stained, no fight left within
Wondering what events caused this great sin
Did you wear out your welcome, what did you do?
Was it a weakness of cotton that allowed the big toe to come through?
Was it your owner’s odd gait that wore through the heel?
Taking the blame, how did that feel?
Was your partner discarded or saved for another
Pair that shares the same fate and just the right color?

The Middle Child

They say that the middle child is often neglected
Favored for the first or the last is to be expected
It is a fact that it happens, to important to ignore
Plays out over and over, oh so many times before
But I’d give it all to be the middle than what I am instead
As I see the hand reach over me to get the middle slice of bread

And finally, what everyone thinks:

When writing Haiku
When do you get to the point
Of not counting fing—(@#%*!)

-Leon


Categories
funny friday humor

Funny Friday-You Don’t Know How Much You’ve Got Left Till’ it’s Gone

Sound familiar? That’s my very loose paraphrase of a Joni Mitchell lyric. It came to me the other day (Sunday-but that really doesn’t matter) when I ran out of sriracha. I knew I needed more earlier, but I thought I could manage a few more weeks. And it was going great. Every time I used some-on eggs, potatoes, in ramen (which BTW, I learned how to make this year. Well worth the effort) – I always had some left, until the tell-tale SPLORCH-PLLLLH! Sound indicating that my luck had run out. How long did this streak last, I wondered? I couldn’t remember the last time I had bought some. The label was quite worn and faded, but upon careful examination, I was able to locate the best-before date.

July 2016. Wait! What!?

So apparently, the best-before date is just a serving suggestion. That stuff don’t go bad…That got me to thinking, “Why am I not sick?” No, actually I was thinking about what else we have that runs out when you least expect it.

  • Propane tanks: When barbequing, you never really know what’s left-until you check on your burgers and they are half cooked. Don’t want to trade in a tank that still has some? Always have an extra tank.
  • Plastic wrap: I looked at my roll and I thought that I needed some soon, so I bought the rolls x 3 at [insert name of favorite big box warehouse store]. That was years ago, and I’m still pulling out wrap from the old one.*
  • Batteries: Stock up and forget about them, they’ll slowly lose charge until you need them, of course.
  • Ice cubes: You always have too many until you don’t, and it’s always the slightly musty one in the ice tray.
  • Lightbulbs: Why are there so many different kinds and why do I have everyone but the one I need?
  • Dental floss: When do you know you’re out? When you pull out a piece about the length of your thumb and you hear the Ziiing!
  • Toilet paper: There is always a roll underneath the sink, right? Please be right. If I could just reach…a…little…more…
  • Change: Who carries change these days? But I need to pay for parking and I only have 2 quarters.
  • Air: You know, like the stuff in your tires (OK, that one was a bit of a reach).
  • Wine: Sometimes you just need a glass. Just not happenin’ today.

In regard to point #5-I’ll give you a moment to count-here is an apt Miniscules cartoon from earlier this year:

-Leon

*At the time of writing, I was still extracting wrap, but two days ago I finally got to the end of the roll. The last few inches/centimeters/cubits turned out to be a foggy, semi-translucent, nom-clingy sheet, which I thought to be a little anti-climactic. There should be a prize, or at least a printed “TA-DAH!”


Categories
funny friday humor

Funny Friday

Last week I gave a challenge to say the alphabet backwards: Fun Friday Need help? Let me know.

What is the funniest answer you ever put on a test? I saw this this example years ago, and it always makes me laugh.

In college, I used to sign my tests with a coffee ring. It started when one time my coffee dribbled down my disposable Styrofoam cup-

Wait! What?!

Oh, sorry. Let me explain. A long time ago, people used to carry hot beverages in containers made from petroleum, that when properly discarded on the side of the road, would rapidly disintegrate over the course of 1000 years.

Oh! Like the disposable masks and latex gloves?

Exactly.

So, back to the story. My professor commented that he can always spot my tests and assignments from the stain in the corner. I took that as a challenge, and never signed my name again in that class.

Which reminds me of a joke.

A university professor tells the class that time is up for the exam. As students place their papers on the desk as they file out of class, on student continues to write. After a few minutes, the student walks to the front.

“I can’t accept the exam, since you continued after time had expired,” the professor said.

“Do you know my name?” the student asked.

“I can look it up.”

The student promptly slid the paper into the middle of the pile.

OK. Not that funny. Tell me your funniest school experience.


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of three books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and Journeys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar

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Categories
funny friday humor writers

Funny Friday

Quick! Say something funny. No pressure, right? Humor can be spontaneous or crafted. Either method will result in something. Notice that I didn’t say ‘something funny.’ Humor is so subjective, as I talked about here: Humor/Humour

I have been approaching different book bloggers to do drum up exposure for my books. Some of them have allowed me to submit guest posts. To stand out, I came up with the idea of interviewing myself because who knows me better than me?

My most recent interview was for thestoryreadingapeblog.com, and for you who missed it, I thought I would share it because it still makes me giggle a bit.

OK. You figured it out. I woke up this morning without a post for today…Nothing wrong with recycling. Enjoy!

-Leon

Leon Stevens Interviews Leon Stevens (again)

Hello. I’m Leon Stevens, and I’m sitting here with author Leon Stevens who has written two books, Lines by Leon-Poems, Prose and Pictures, and The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. Well, here we are again.

It seems that way.

You wrote down a list of questions for the guest post on thestoryreadingapeblog.com. Where did you come across that site?

Through my WordPress blog. I was reading a repost of a book marketing article.

How is your blog coming along?

Better than I thought. I’ve been writing something almost daily.

Nice. Shall we get to the questions?

Fire away.

Now bear in mind I do know all these answers, so try to forget who I am.

I wish I could.

[silence]

I’ll let that pass. Question 1: Have you always been a writer?

Not until I learned how to hold a pencil, if that’s what you mean.

It’s not…I meant writing on order to get published.

Ahh, no. I don’t recall wanting to write until I needed to. I began to write songs and song lyrics to get my thoughts and emotions onto paper, which evolved into poetry.

Do you consider yourself a poet?

I suppose. Poetry is one aspect of my writing, but I think that if you write poetry, then you are a poet. Some people might think that if you are a “real” poet, then that’s all you do, describe the world through verse.

Do you read a lot of poetry?

Not really. I don’t think it’s a prerequisite to writing meaningful works. Maybe it’s a way to be unique.

Do you think you are unique?

I think we all are-except for you and me. 

Shouldn’t that be: You and I?

Who knows?. Or is it Whom knows? No. It’s who knows.

Don’t we all love grammar?

Oh boy, do we ever!

Question #2—

Actually, it’s question #7. Go back and read the transcript.

[silence]

Next question, then. What do you write about then?

I write poems about emotions, struggles, ego, environment, travel, and everyday experiences. Some poems have a humorous edge to them.

Example?

Of?

Something humorous from your book.

Umm. I wrote this one about a sock:

The Sock

Is there anything lonelier than discarded clothing?

A sign of disappointment, of rejection, of loathing

Threadbare and stained, no fight left within

Wondering what events caused this great sin

Did you wear out your welcome, what did you do?

Was it a weakness of cotton

That allowed the big toe to come through?

Was it your owner’s odd gait that wore through the heel?

Taking the blame, how did that feel?

Was your partner discarded or saved for another

Pair that shares the same fate and just the right color?

Are all your poems light-hearted?

No. There are many that are much deeper emotionally, but it is nice to be able to take a break and laugh.

Your latest book is a science fiction book. Why the change in genre?

Science fiction has always been my favorite, and I had all these ideas kicking around.

Why short stories?

Why not.

Care to elaborate?

Some of my earliest memories of reading was short science fiction, either reading it or listening to my father making up stories at bedtime.

He made up stories for you?

I thought he did. I would come across stories as I was reading years later that I could have sworn I had read before, but then I realized that he had told those ones to me.

So he passed them off as his own?

Well, he didn’t say they were not, and I never asked, so no plagiarism there.

Any other reason for writing short stories?

When I have an idea and start to write, my stories seem to come to a natural conclusion sooner rather than later. There is a challenge to writing short, though. Developing characters to the minimum, letting the reader fill in the details of the setting, and I think successful short stories either end with a twist or leave the reader thinking.

Your shortest story?

The title story The Knot at the End of the Rope is 175 words. I have some stories in my poetry book, the shortest one there is 41, but it’s more of a caption to a picture than a story.

So, if you don’t have time to read a novel…

Exactly.

Any other projects on the go?

I do have a book of classical guitar compositions, and I am currently working on a continuation of one of my short stories. It’s up to 12000 words so far.

So, not a short story then.

It will probably finish up being a novella, but you never know.

I do.

You do?

Naw. This has been fun as usual. Thank you for sparing the time to sit down and talk to me.

You knew I wasn’t doing anything anyway.

True. Coffee?

Please.

Categories
cartoons funny friday humor Just plain weird

Funny Friday: When Does This Become That?


I was sitting around one day…wondering…When does this become that? After various mullings, musings, flowcharts, and scientific calculations, I came up with:

Did this answer my question? Not in the least. I am however perplexed by the magical floating table…

-Leon


Leon Stevens is a composer, artist, and author of two books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures and The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. Visit www.linesbyleon.com

Categories
funny friday humor

Funny Friday: Lost in Translation

“Do or do not. There is no try.” Well said, Yoda. But how does that nugget of wisdom come across in different languages, I wondered. So I ran it through the translator into a different language and then took that translation and converted it back to English.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” became: “Do or do not do. There is no doing.”

 Close, but doesn’t have that grand effect, does it now. Then I wondered what would happen if we played Translation Telephone (I think I made that up). I took the phrase, translated it, then took that translation and translated that to a new language, and so on, 10 times. Then I took that last translation and converted it back to English. What did I get?

“I am a bad person.”

Oh, you are so not, Yoda…

Try it out and post your funniest-or weirdest- translations of this phrase!

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Uncategorized

Funny Fridays – Is Science Fiction Funny?

Growing up, I was fascinated with space and science fiction (if you need a recap: Returning to Roots).

Isaac Asimov had several short stories that had humorous endings or situations. But for sci-fi humor writing, Douglas Adams has to be the benchmark-although I do admit, the Hitchhiker series could have ended sooner than it did. John Scalzi seems to have taken the reins for this. Kurt Vonnegut has written many science fiction stories, and his writing always has elements of humor.

There has been many sci-fi based T.V. shows and movies that either had some elements of humor (Star Trek, Star Wars, Dr. Who), while others went straight for the funny-bone, some more successful than others. I’ll list the ones that I think missed the mark, in no particular order-cuz’ they are both bad: Avenue 5 and Moonbase 8. Similar titles, similar bombs.

Now the hits. In my opinion, BBC’s Red Dwarf takes the top spot-hands down. Brilliant writing and hilarious characters made this a must see for my friends each week (in re-runs). It may have have gone on a bit to long, but it continued to make us laugh.

Galaxy Quest: Because I grew up with Star Trek, I could relate to everything they were poking fun at.

The Orville: I find much of Seth MacFarlane’s humor on Family Guy hard to watch, but he is a funny guy. Like Galaxy Quest, he is able to pick out the situations that lend itself to humor.

When I began to write short story science fiction, I knew that humor was going to be involved at some point. The story even made my editor laugh out loud. Now that’s a good sign! I posted it on my Medium.com page, so here is a free reading link: Reasonable Hand-drawn Facsimile

I hope you find it as entertaining as she (my editor) did.

-Leon