Question: Which way do you insert a USB connector?
Answer: The first way you tried before flipping it over.
Question: Which way do you turn the steering wheel when backing up a trailer?
Answer: Not that way, but it’s too late, you’re in the bushes.
Question: Which way loosens a garden hose or a nut on a bolt?
Answer: Since you tightened it too much already, it’s moot.
Question: Ever hear the phrase, righty tighty, lefty loosey?
Answer: Yes, but that didn’t help me one question ago.
Question: Quick, raise your left hand.
Answer: That’s not a question.
Rebuttal: You are correct, and it’s the other hand, by the way.
There are times when someone will say left or right and I do have to think about it for a second. You would think after so many years lived that wouldn’t happen, but it does.
I’m usually pretty good at finding my way without a map or GPS. I remember the early days when GPS was not readily available in vehicles so many people bought mountable ones. Here’s what that sounds like:
“Turn left, 50 meters.”
-Recalculate all you want, but I’m not going that way.
-You’re going in the glove compartment.
I do occasionally get turned around and have had to ask for directions. Travelling in Quebec one year, this conversation occurred:
Clerk: [something in French]
Me: In very poor French, “I don’t speak French very well. Do you speak English?”
Clerk: [something else in French] Translation: “No.“
With my limited French language skills, I was able to get directions to my destination, although I did have to point to my hand and say, “Gauche?” to which the clerk shook his head, so I pointed to the other. I did get to my destination. Thank you, public school French classes.
That’s all the weirdness for today.
Oh yeah, I said my cartoons would return in October. September 29? Close enough.
Leon Stevens is a blogger, composer, artist, and an author of four books (so far): Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures, Journeys: Eight Original Pieces for Classical Guitar, The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories, and The View from Here, his first science fiction novella.
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